A FEW THOUGHTS ON FRIENDSHIP…
I believe remaining friends with someone isn’t a “you get
one shot” kind of deal. If I have chosen
you for my friend, then I saw something in you that I liked or admired. I have many friends that might surprise some
people…they may have been in and out of several bad marriages, they may have
been neglectful parents, maybe they are not Christians, I have several friends
who definitely do not see eye to eye with me regarding my political views. I even have friends who have spent time in jail
and even prison. I have black friends
and white friends, gay friends and straight ones…friends from a very low
poverty level and friends who own mansions on Ono Island. I have friends who never remember my birthday
and friends who criticize many of the choices I make. But you know what??? Those same friends, I feel very certain,
would jump in their car and drive across the state to pick me up if I was
broken down and stranded without a way home.
I know one lady, in particular, that has pushed me to the
point of wanting to smack her upside her pretty little head on more than one
occasion. She has criticized me, my
family, my religious beliefs, my political views, my children, and yes, even my
lack of proper etiquette. And yet, I
know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she would go to the moon and back for me
and my family if I asked her too…because
that is who she is at her very core.
Interestingly enough, I have been questioned by many people
as to why we remain friends. Those same
people had written her off as a negative force that they didn’t want or have
further need of in their lives. And I
told them…when asked why we chose to stay on a friendly basis with her…that the
reason was that I knew that at her very core was a good person…a person that
just was most likely a product of her situation. She has had a lot of bad things happen in her
life, and I do mean some terribly sad things…and doesn’t that affect us all? It
has to, in some small way. Yes, we can
choose to not let ourselves become negative or hateful, but it sometimes is
just who we are. I don’t think she means
to hurt people with her sometimes ill-natured comments, or to push these people
out of her life. It is just that she
doesn’t know how to be anything but painfully honest. I believe that is what drives
her…honestly. And what we have to
understand as a society is that just because her ideas and views may not be
ours, that doesn’t make her wrong…it just makes her different from you and
me. There are many issues we agree on
wholeheartedly…and I am always thankful for those moments we share a common
view…because it re-enforces our few similarities.
I had a good friend once say that if two friends, or spouses, are
exactly alike, than one of them would simply not be necessary. I always liked that.
And now, here is the interesting part to me.
Many of those people who had “pushed” her out of their lives
have suddenly decided to give her friendship another chance. Why?
Because they finally became aware of her incredible ability to be there
for them when they needed her help. And
be there she is…at every turn. She has helped
them achieve many of their goals simply by putting them in contact with the
right person or people. She has helped
them through trying situations when they knew she had the knowledge to get them
situated and up and moving. She has
blessed them…
I can only hope that these people are there for her and returning the favor in some
small way...even if it is to send her a gift card, or take her to lunch, or
just to bake her a cake and deliver it in person. Bless her with some small token of their
appreciation. Because that is how we keep
friends. By acknowledging what they have
done for us…when they didn’t have to. By realizing they simply did so because they wanted to
be of help…because at their very core, that is who they truly are. Caring people. So what if they have a rough exterior…so what
if they can’t hold their tongue when they sometimes should. In the long run…it’s about being true to
yourself…and her true self may be a bit rough around the edges…but soft as jelly on the
inside.
I’ll take that any day.